Soaking It In

My dearest Grayson.

My 11 month and two day old son. How did we get here? How did we get to the place where you are able to snort on command, climb on top of laundry baskets, and suck down your bottle in 20 seconds flat?

You are a joy.
A ceaseless, boundless, little bundle of boy.

You are an explorer.
A daredevil.
You are not easily afraid or intimidated.

You play fierce and hard. You explore. You destroy. You investigate.

But at the end of it all. When exhaustion begins to find it's way in to your little body...you always need to find your Mommy.

And you come crawling up. Eyes locked on mine. You lay your head down on my chest, or my leg, or my cheek...and you suck your thumb.

You lay content - so long as I am rubbing your back and singing soft songs in your ear. I whisper to you that I never want you to outgrow this stage...but I know that you will.

And so I breathe you in. I make note of your smell. The feel of your tiny body curled up next to mine. The sweet sound of your thumb being sucked. The softness of your skin on the back of your neck.

I love you deeply. I love so many things about you. You are captivating. You are sensational.

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My tender hearted Ethan.

You have the softest, sweetest giggle.

The kisses you give me make my heart melt. You put your mouth right on my cheek and say "ahhhhh."



You are methodical.
You are sensitive.
You love to read books, to sing songs, to clap your hands and stomp your feet.

You love to laugh. You do it often.

You love to mess things up and hate when toys are picked up. You instantly go right to where they're stored and take them all back out again.

You love to grab your toes while you drink your bottle.

You love when we pretend that your feet stink.

You are so big and you show us often.

You are my frequent cuddler. You love to crawl up in my arms for a hug and then scurry back off again to the next thing. You are a mover. Always in action. Always trying to figure things out.

You are a dream. A blessing far beyond explanation. I love you deeply Ethan.

I find it impossible that in just a little under a month my itty bitty preemie twins will be turning 1.

I will be the mother of toddlers.

It makes my heart ache. It makes me so excited for the things to come, yet so lonesome for those little newborn boys in my arms.

I lay with you both often. I study you while you play and see how you interact. I make it a point to soak it all in because you're changing so fast. So fast.