Ethan and Grayson have completely and totally captivated every part of us. I have never experienced such intense emotion like this before. I never expected that I would feel this way. There are no words - that is true. It is such a deep, pure, unexplainable, crazy love.
When I look at their perfect little faces, when their eyes open and look into mine, when I have my hand on the small of their back and feel them breathe, when I trace their perfect faces with my finger, when I stroke their dark hair, when I wrap their tiny hand around my finger...I am content and whole.
I am a mother.
I want to apologize that there are so many of you that we haven't been able to talk to, visit with, e-mail back, etc. Every ounce of our strength, time, and energy is going towards two small little boys occupying two beds in the N.I.C.U. right now.
Life has done a total 180 for us in the past week and we are still trying to adjust to it all. I am also trying to still recover from the birthing adventure a week ago tomorrow (wow!), and so I am trying to get as much as rest as possible when we are home.
We certainly don't mind phone calls and emails though. There is no guarantee that we will be home, because it seems that for most of the hours of the day we are not - but your words of encouragement and thoughtfulness mean so much to us and help us through this time.
We will be in touch when we can be. The boys are doing really well and continuing to make such huge improvements day by day.
Please continue to pray for them as they continue to grow and mature until the day that we can come home as a family of 4.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
They Have Arrived!
How can I even begin to put into words the life changing event that took place just three days ago? Life for Chris and I will truly never be the same, and for that we are so blessed.
I want to document and share here the story of their arrival into this world.
Monday morning I woke up around 6:30 to use the restroom. I noticed that I was having a bit more discharge than usual, but didn't think much of it. I went back to bed and woke up at 8 to begin the day. I was laying in bed eating a cereal bar talking with Chris and began to notice that I was having some odd contractions. They seemed a bit more intense and just different from what I had experienced prior. Chris kept looking at me and asking me if I was okay and I just told him that something felt different but I couldn't explain it. I then decided to get up and try to use the restroom again.
Once I stood up out of bed I felt a gush and knew that something was happening. I went to the bathroom and felt another gush, this time resulting in a puddle on the bathroom floor. I told Chris that it was time to go! He started to rush around gathering things together and within 10 minutes we were on our way to the hospital. The time was about 9:00 a.m.
In the car on the way up my contractions were becoming more and more intense. They were occurring about once every 3 minutes and they were enough to make me practice my breathing skills whenever they would come on!
We arrived at the hospital at 9:50 and I was able to walk up to Labor and Delivery. I told the nurses station that I believed I might be in labor. My contractions were still coming about every 3 minutes. They didn't seem too alarmed or concerned because I was still able to function pretty normally and even I didn't think that I was in full blown labor.
I was weighed and then sent to collect a urine sample. I then noticed that I was bleeding and realized that perhaps this was the real deal after all! I was put into an examining room and the Dr. came in to check my cervix and see how dilated I was. At this point the contractions started to become even more intense and were only about a minute apart. When she checked me she said that she could not feel any cervix at all and believed that I was fully dilated. Talk about shocked!
They quickly got a stretcher and told me that I would be wheeled to the O.R. just in case they would possibly have to do a c-section and off we went! Chris was changed into scrubs and entered the O.R. with me. Within another 10 minutes I was on the table and I was pushing. This was around 1o:30.
Never in my life have I experienced anything quite like it. I won't go into any excessive explanation, but yet I do want to document to some extent what I went through that day. I had Chris on my right side throughout the entire ordeal. He was an amazing coach and I get choked up just thinking about how incredible he was. I also had an amazing nurse on my left side who spoke such comforting words of affirmation to me to keep me motivated. Chris kept cool rags on my forehead and was so supportive and encouraging of how I was doing.
I pushed for 2 hours when Ethan Douglas, Baby A, made his debut. He weighed 5 pounds, 3 ounces and was 18 3/4 inches long. The Dr. told me to open my eyes and I was able to look down the moment he arrived and see my first son. He was so beautiful and I was completely overwhelmed with emotion and love. He was whisked away to be cleaned, tested, clipped and all that good stuff they do to newborn babies. The neonatal Dr. brought him to me all swaddled and with a little hat on his head and I was able to kiss him before he was brought to the NICU.
It was then time to begin concentrating on Baby B. They did a quick ultrasound to determine if his was still head down. He was. They positioned me and had me start pushing right away. I was exhausted. They put an electrode on his head to have an accurate reading of his heart rate. His heart rate began to drop and they told me that we would push for another 5 minutes and if he didn't drop into the birth canal we would have to do a c-section. I pushed and sweet little B was not moving. The Dr. decided that an emergency c-section was needed to get him out as soon as possible.
Within minutes I was laying on my back with my arms stretched out to my side. They had me breathing in oxygen. There was a lot of talking and commotion in the O.R. The last thing I remember they switched my mask and out I went.
I woke up in the recovery room and was told that my other son, Grayson John, had been born. They had discovered that my placenta was starting to separate from the wall of my uterus and they think this played a large part in his dropping heart rate. I was just so relieved to wake up and know that he was safe and sound in the N.I.C.U. and that the entire ordeal was over.
Chris came in to the recovery room and spent time with me feeding me ice chips. He recounted for me some of the minutes that I was unable to remember. He was placed outside of the operating room in a chair for the c-section and said that it was intense watching people rushing past him to get into the o.r. Grayson John was born at 12:53. He weighed 5 pounds, 2 ounces and was 19 inches long.
After I was awake and alert they wheeled my entire bed into the N.I.C.U. so that I could see my boys. They laid Ethan in my arms and I was able to hold and kiss him. Due to the positioning of Grayson and the bed I was able to touch and reach out to him. They were special, surreal moments and I was in total awe. The nurses took pictures of our first few minutes together. I was a Mom.
I was then wheeled into my hospital room where I have been ever since. Later on that evening they had me get up and I was able to be wheeled down to see the boys again. This time Chris and I were able to talk with the nurses and get to know more about how the boys were doing.
The nurses and their doctor have been nothing but amazing in taking time for us and answering any and all of our questions. We are encouraged to spend as much time as we want in there with the boys. It is open to us pretty much 24/7.
Yesterday I was able to hold Grayson for two hours in my arms skin to skin. I had tears rolling down my cheeks as I felt his heart beating next to mine and as I placed my hand on his back and felt it rise and sink with each breath.
The boys are doing incredibly well considering their early arrival just three days ago. We know that they are in great care and feel very optimistic about their prognosis. I love seeing them every day and having time with them.
We are so in love. Chris and I were saying today that it is amazing how much love we can have for these two little boys that we barely know. It goes beyond rational thought and human words. I have never felt such an incredible love and protection over anything in my life quite like this.
Thank you for your continued prayers for them. Please keep them coming. We know that the days ahead may be filled with highs and lows until the day they come home to live with us. We leave it in God's hands and know that in His perfect timing they will.
I want to document and share here the story of their arrival into this world.
Monday morning I woke up around 6:30 to use the restroom. I noticed that I was having a bit more discharge than usual, but didn't think much of it. I went back to bed and woke up at 8 to begin the day. I was laying in bed eating a cereal bar talking with Chris and began to notice that I was having some odd contractions. They seemed a bit more intense and just different from what I had experienced prior. Chris kept looking at me and asking me if I was okay and I just told him that something felt different but I couldn't explain it. I then decided to get up and try to use the restroom again.
Once I stood up out of bed I felt a gush and knew that something was happening. I went to the bathroom and felt another gush, this time resulting in a puddle on the bathroom floor. I told Chris that it was time to go! He started to rush around gathering things together and within 10 minutes we were on our way to the hospital. The time was about 9:00 a.m.
In the car on the way up my contractions were becoming more and more intense. They were occurring about once every 3 minutes and they were enough to make me practice my breathing skills whenever they would come on!
We arrived at the hospital at 9:50 and I was able to walk up to Labor and Delivery. I told the nurses station that I believed I might be in labor. My contractions were still coming about every 3 minutes. They didn't seem too alarmed or concerned because I was still able to function pretty normally and even I didn't think that I was in full blown labor.
I was weighed and then sent to collect a urine sample. I then noticed that I was bleeding and realized that perhaps this was the real deal after all! I was put into an examining room and the Dr. came in to check my cervix and see how dilated I was. At this point the contractions started to become even more intense and were only about a minute apart. When she checked me she said that she could not feel any cervix at all and believed that I was fully dilated. Talk about shocked!
They quickly got a stretcher and told me that I would be wheeled to the O.R. just in case they would possibly have to do a c-section and off we went! Chris was changed into scrubs and entered the O.R. with me. Within another 10 minutes I was on the table and I was pushing. This was around 1o:30.
Never in my life have I experienced anything quite like it. I won't go into any excessive explanation, but yet I do want to document to some extent what I went through that day. I had Chris on my right side throughout the entire ordeal. He was an amazing coach and I get choked up just thinking about how incredible he was. I also had an amazing nurse on my left side who spoke such comforting words of affirmation to me to keep me motivated. Chris kept cool rags on my forehead and was so supportive and encouraging of how I was doing.
I pushed for 2 hours when Ethan Douglas, Baby A, made his debut. He weighed 5 pounds, 3 ounces and was 18 3/4 inches long. The Dr. told me to open my eyes and I was able to look down the moment he arrived and see my first son. He was so beautiful and I was completely overwhelmed with emotion and love. He was whisked away to be cleaned, tested, clipped and all that good stuff they do to newborn babies. The neonatal Dr. brought him to me all swaddled and with a little hat on his head and I was able to kiss him before he was brought to the NICU.
It was then time to begin concentrating on Baby B. They did a quick ultrasound to determine if his was still head down. He was. They positioned me and had me start pushing right away. I was exhausted. They put an electrode on his head to have an accurate reading of his heart rate. His heart rate began to drop and they told me that we would push for another 5 minutes and if he didn't drop into the birth canal we would have to do a c-section. I pushed and sweet little B was not moving. The Dr. decided that an emergency c-section was needed to get him out as soon as possible.
Within minutes I was laying on my back with my arms stretched out to my side. They had me breathing in oxygen. There was a lot of talking and commotion in the O.R. The last thing I remember they switched my mask and out I went.
I woke up in the recovery room and was told that my other son, Grayson John, had been born. They had discovered that my placenta was starting to separate from the wall of my uterus and they think this played a large part in his dropping heart rate. I was just so relieved to wake up and know that he was safe and sound in the N.I.C.U. and that the entire ordeal was over.
Chris came in to the recovery room and spent time with me feeding me ice chips. He recounted for me some of the minutes that I was unable to remember. He was placed outside of the operating room in a chair for the c-section and said that it was intense watching people rushing past him to get into the o.r. Grayson John was born at 12:53. He weighed 5 pounds, 2 ounces and was 19 inches long.
After I was awake and alert they wheeled my entire bed into the N.I.C.U. so that I could see my boys. They laid Ethan in my arms and I was able to hold and kiss him. Due to the positioning of Grayson and the bed I was able to touch and reach out to him. They were special, surreal moments and I was in total awe. The nurses took pictures of our first few minutes together. I was a Mom.
I was then wheeled into my hospital room where I have been ever since. Later on that evening they had me get up and I was able to be wheeled down to see the boys again. This time Chris and I were able to talk with the nurses and get to know more about how the boys were doing.
The nurses and their doctor have been nothing but amazing in taking time for us and answering any and all of our questions. We are encouraged to spend as much time as we want in there with the boys. It is open to us pretty much 24/7.
Yesterday I was able to hold Grayson for two hours in my arms skin to skin. I had tears rolling down my cheeks as I felt his heart beating next to mine and as I placed my hand on his back and felt it rise and sink with each breath.
The boys are doing incredibly well considering their early arrival just three days ago. We know that they are in great care and feel very optimistic about their prognosis. I love seeing them every day and having time with them.
We are so in love. Chris and I were saying today that it is amazing how much love we can have for these two little boys that we barely know. It goes beyond rational thought and human words. I have never felt such an incredible love and protection over anything in my life quite like this.
Thank you for your continued prayers for them. Please keep them coming. We know that the days ahead may be filled with highs and lows until the day they come home to live with us. We leave it in God's hands and know that in His perfect timing they will.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
And How Do You Really Feel?
I woke up yesterday morning laughing about a dream I had the night before. I was pregnant and doing some personal shopping in the mall. I entered this room full from wall to wall with different brands of perfume. I started spraying and smelling them, looking for just the right one to purchase. I came across a bottle on the wall called "Unbeautiful" by Estee Lauder, and that is the one I purchased. :)
I don't share this story so everyone can leave comments on how beautiful I truly am in all my pregnant glory (don't we all already know?? :) ) - so don't think that I'm wallowing in low self-esteem issues or self pity too often. I guess my subconscious though must be dealing with the 60 pounds that have been added on to this frame!
In addition, I decided yesterday afternoon to sort through the piles of books, movies, puzzles, cards, and letters that have been stacking up around my bed for the past 10 weeks. I was sitting on the floor of the bedroom and found that it wasn't working too well for me and decided I better get up and rest for awhile. I tried to move off the floor, but was unable. I looked around for something that I could get a hold of to help me leverage myself to get up - but to no avail. I tried using a large box - nope. I tried using the dresser - again a failed attempt. I ended up crawling on sore knees across the floor to the bed, grabbing hold of the blankets, and slowly making my way (with a lot of grunting and groaning) up to my feet. I fell in to bed exhausted and decided to leave the rest of the project for Chris to help with when he returned home! I could not believe my lack of stamina and how physically incapable I was!
One perk, I must add, is that since I am now unable to easily reach any part of my body below the knees I asked Chris today to help me put some lotion on my calves. This turned into an incredible leg and foot massage, so I'm not complaining! He asked me in the midst of it if he could purchase something online. At that moment I told him that he could buy whatever he wanted!
34 weeks yesterday! Unbelievable.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Baby B
Here is the picture taken yesterday. I love his little nose.
Also - I updated my widget to reflect the January 24th due date that the Dr. thinks I have. I'll be 34 weeks on Saturday! Woot woot!
Also - I updated my widget to reflect the January 24th due date that the Dr. thinks I have. I'll be 34 weeks on Saturday! Woot woot!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
We're Getting There!
The appointment this morning went really well. Today was an appointment for another detailed ultrasound. Here is some of what we found out:
- Both boys are measuring at 4 lbs. 10 oz! I could not believe that Baby B has put on 1 lb. 10 oz. since the last check in mid November. The Dr. was so pleased with their weights and told me that I am doing everything right!
- I will no longer be going to any more appointments at the clinic. Instead we will begin doing twice weekly NST (Non-stress tests) at the hospital every Monday and Thursday. This is where they will listen to the boys heartbeats and also monitor me for contractions. Every Monday they will do an ultrasound as well to check their fluid levels. This will start next Thursday.
- Our Dr. thinks that I am truly about 1/2 a week ahead of where we thought I was. This was good news! She thinks I am probably more like 33 1/2 weeks along.
- She feels that after December 20th she would no longer try and stop labor. 10 more days!! I can do that!
- My blood pressure was great today! Who knows why the spike last week, but for now it's looking really good again.
- I've gained 2 pounds since last week.
- The boys are looking GREAT but crowded! I had so many comments today from the Dr. and the technician about the size of my belly. They can't believe that I am still pregnant and carrying around 9 lbs. 4 oz. of baby! From one end of my belly to another it is just feet, hands, bellies, and heads!
- Today Baby B was sucking on his fingers. We were able to get a pretty cute 3d picture of his little fist up by his mouth. He has the cutest little button nose. We weren't able to see poor little A too well for any good pictures as Baby A is laying on top of him!
Monday, December 8, 2008
Payback!
In the summer of 2007 one of my dearest friends, Dana, was expecting her first child. We spent many afternoons by the pool that summer just waiting for the arrival of their new daughter Makayla. One day, towards the end of her pregnancy, I asked Dana to take this beautiful belly shot with me. She's always loved it. :)
She always vowed that when I was pregnant she wanted to do a belly shot with me. So the other night we took one.
Dana is now expecting her second child...so expect another comparison in a few months when hopefully my baby belly will be gone! :)
I also want to mention here that Dana came over to add some Christmas cheer to our house. Chris and I decided that with all else going on we weren't going to pull out our tubs and decorate this year. It seemed a little bleak around our home and didn't feel like Christmas at all - so Dana offered to come over and put up a tree for us! Isn't she something?
She even put up a second little tree just for the boys! It has two picture frame ornaments with their beautiful little faces just smiling away!
She always vowed that when I was pregnant she wanted to do a belly shot with me. So the other night we took one.
Dana is now expecting her second child...so expect another comparison in a few months when hopefully my baby belly will be gone! :)I also want to mention here that Dana came over to add some Christmas cheer to our house. Chris and I decided that with all else going on we weren't going to pull out our tubs and decorate this year. It seemed a little bleak around our home and didn't feel like Christmas at all - so Dana offered to come over and put up a tree for us! Isn't she something?
She even put up a second little tree just for the boys! It has two picture frame ornaments with their beautiful little faces just smiling away!
Friday, December 5, 2008
Results
Just a quick update - all the results came back normal and the Dr. has signed off on me for now...so for now the boys stay put! And truly - I am HAPPY about this news! :) They are in the best place right now to keep growing and growing!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
32 Weeks and Going Strong!
It is hard to believe that we have arrived at the 32 week mark. I remember on October 1st when I was put on bed rest December 3rd seemed like forever away. We've come nine weeks since I was put on bed rest, and now I just wonder how many more weeks they're going to stay put!
The appointment on Tuesday went pretty well. The boys look great. They haven't changed their positions and their fluids and heart rates looked great. I asked the technician to tell me what these two large masses in the middle of my belly were. I had been thinking that they were the hind ends of both boys sticking up, and sure enough that's what they are! My belly is lopsided though as Baby B has his little behind sticking up higher than Baby A does.
As for me, my blood pressure was a bit higher this past visit. There was also a trace amount of protein found in my urine, so because of that they wanted to take precautionary measures and have some tests run on me for the beginnings of possible preeclampsia. They drew blood, and then also asked me to collect my urine for 24 hours to check it for protein. Our Dr. called Tuesday afternoon and said that all of my blood work came back normal, so that was great to hear. This morning Chris delivered my 3 liter jug of urine (what a husband- I'm telling ya!), and I have yet to hear the results of that.
I am not worried about it though and truly feel peace about it. I know that even if I would have to deliver soon the boys have come a long way and I feel that they would do just fine out of the womb...so we'll see!
In the meantime, I wanted to post some new pictures for you. My size is truly bordering on ridiculous. Whenever I look in a mirror I just shake my head. I am ROUND everywhere! I am now weighing in at 178 which puts me at about 55 pounds total so far. Chris said he can't imagine me getting any larger - we just don't know where it would go!
I will admit that I am ready, ready, ready to have these boys. If their birthday doesn't come for another 3,4,5 (or maybe even 8!!) weeks, I guess there isn't a whole lot that I can do about it, but just be thankful that with each and every day they are getting bigger and stronger. I just need to keep it all in perspective.
This is one of the two pairs of pants that still fit me!
Ahhh...after my shower. The best part of the day!
What? We had to practice!
The appointment on Tuesday went pretty well. The boys look great. They haven't changed their positions and their fluids and heart rates looked great. I asked the technician to tell me what these two large masses in the middle of my belly were. I had been thinking that they were the hind ends of both boys sticking up, and sure enough that's what they are! My belly is lopsided though as Baby B has his little behind sticking up higher than Baby A does.
As for me, my blood pressure was a bit higher this past visit. There was also a trace amount of protein found in my urine, so because of that they wanted to take precautionary measures and have some tests run on me for the beginnings of possible preeclampsia. They drew blood, and then also asked me to collect my urine for 24 hours to check it for protein. Our Dr. called Tuesday afternoon and said that all of my blood work came back normal, so that was great to hear. This morning Chris delivered my 3 liter jug of urine (what a husband- I'm telling ya!), and I have yet to hear the results of that.
I am not worried about it though and truly feel peace about it. I know that even if I would have to deliver soon the boys have come a long way and I feel that they would do just fine out of the womb...so we'll see!
In the meantime, I wanted to post some new pictures for you. My size is truly bordering on ridiculous. Whenever I look in a mirror I just shake my head. I am ROUND everywhere! I am now weighing in at 178 which puts me at about 55 pounds total so far. Chris said he can't imagine me getting any larger - we just don't know where it would go!
I will admit that I am ready, ready, ready to have these boys. If their birthday doesn't come for another 3,4,5 (or maybe even 8!!) weeks, I guess there isn't a whole lot that I can do about it, but just be thankful that with each and every day they are getting bigger and stronger. I just need to keep it all in perspective.
This is one of the two pairs of pants that still fit me!
Ahhh...after my shower. The best part of the day!
What? We had to practice!I think....
my parents are a little excited for the birth of their grandsons! Their first stockings!
Monday, December 1, 2008
December 1st
The start of this new month is so incredible! We are two days away from our first main goal of 32 weeks and I feel like I can truly see the light at the end of the tunnel! Will these boys come this month? I think they will - but then again you never know. (Almost every person that voted on expectnet.com voted for their arrival in December) Either way I get off bed rest on New Years Eve, so there's good news either way!
Now bed rest hasn't been all bad, but I won't be complaining when it's over either. I am just getting to the point where I am anticipating their arrival so much. I no longer have to live in fear of them coming too early, and I can let myself feel the excitement of having them in my arms soon. I am also anticipating getting my body back to a certain extent (we'll see how soon that happens!). The 50+ pound weight gain is starting to take it's effect on my body and I can't imagine how it will feel to not have all this weight to lug around!
How blessed and thankful I am though for these past almost 9 weeks of bed rest. We have certainly come a long way from the 23 weeks when all this started.
Bring it on December! The countdown is on!
(If you haven't cast your vote yet for their arrival you're not too late! Just click on the link on the right hand side of the page and cast your vote!) Not sure what the prize is going to be yet. Maybe the chance to change a couple of diapers or cook us a meal. Who will the lucky person be? :)
Now bed rest hasn't been all bad, but I won't be complaining when it's over either. I am just getting to the point where I am anticipating their arrival so much. I no longer have to live in fear of them coming too early, and I can let myself feel the excitement of having them in my arms soon. I am also anticipating getting my body back to a certain extent (we'll see how soon that happens!). The 50+ pound weight gain is starting to take it's effect on my body and I can't imagine how it will feel to not have all this weight to lug around!
How blessed and thankful I am though for these past almost 9 weeks of bed rest. We have certainly come a long way from the 23 weeks when all this started.
Bring it on December! The countdown is on!
(If you haven't cast your vote yet for their arrival you're not too late! Just click on the link on the right hand side of the page and cast your vote!) Not sure what the prize is going to be yet. Maybe the chance to change a couple of diapers or cook us a meal. Who will the lucky person be? :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
