Trying

I am my toughest critic. There has never been a job until mothering that I have wanted so badly to succeed at.

Every day I think about each and every action I take. I think about every decision I make. I know that often times I am way too hard on myself at the end of the day. I question so many things:

• Did we sing enough today?
• Did we read enough stories?
• Did I tell my boys how much I loved them and smother them equally in kisses?
• Did they get enough nutritional food?
• Are their nails clipped?
• Are their ears cleaned?
• Am I making good choices for them?
• Am I setting a good example?
• Should I be using cloth or disposable diapers?
• Do I make enough organic baby food for them?
• Should they be vaccinated or not?
• Should I be holding them more, going out with them more, exploring more...

You can see that my brain just goes a bit overboard sometimes.

Oh my goodness. It can be too much sometimes. It is way too easy to try to do too much, to try to make it a perfect world for them...when in truth I know that I am already doing so much for them.

I have NEVER cared about anything as much a I care about being a good mother for these boys. They are with me more than anyone else in their lives right now and that is a lot of pressure! It is a huge responsibility. I just so badly want to be all that I can for them. To start them off on the right foot. For them to be healthy, wholesome individuals both inside and out.

I pray for guidance every single day. I pray for joy to enjoy each moment. I pray for God to help me to take a chill pill and to pat myself on the back more often.

I do know that I am good mother. I do know that I have their best interest at the core of my being. Their success, their happiness, their health is of utmost importance to me. I guess I have just not ever had anything in my life up to this point that has been so dependent on me. I have been able to this point to take care of myself and to take care of my husband. He though, surprisingly, takes pretty good care of himself. ;) I just don't want to mess up! :)

I thank God for the gift of my children. I can't imagine life without them. I can't imagine going through a day without them now.

I would do anything for my two sons.