Those First Days

This past weekend Chris and I were reminiscing about the days and weeks that followed the birth of Ethan and Grayson. There is so much that was never written on here, and so much that I don't want to forget, but know I will if I don't take the time to record it.

At the time I kept very quiet on here about what was going on with the boys. I didn't post any pictures and didn't give much information in my updates on their health. Chris and I decided at the time that we wanted to protect them. We wanted to give them the dignity that they deserved to not have pictures of themselves with oxygen, iv's, etc. shown to everyone. We also didn't want everyone to see the pictures and assume that the boys were worse off than they actually were (without knowing their reason for being the site of them could be scary).



A few months removed from all that now though, and with the reassurance of seeing these 17 pound boys before me, I now stand back in awe of all that they have come through. I don't want to take it for granted, and I don't want to forget what they have overcome in their short lives so far. They are fighters and are here on this Earth for a purpose.



And so I go back...



The day the boys were born I was wheeled down to the NICU with Chris to have some time with my sons. I was so doped up on morphine that I was nodding off as their nurse was giving me updates on them. I recall feeling so shocked that these two little boys laying in these isolettes were mine! I kept thinking that their real parents were going to come around the corner and claim them at any time!



You know how some women look AMAZING the moment after they give birth to their children? Their hair is in the right place, make-up is on, looking completely rested. Yeah, well...that was so not me! The next morning Chris woke up (he slept on the couch in the room with me) and he looked at me and started laughing (can you blame him?) :) This is what he saw:




I felt like I had been hit by a truck. Every single inch of my body hurt after going through a natural birth and a c-section the day before. Yet I couldn't get the smile off my face! ( and no, it wasn't the morphine anymore by this point!) ;) My doctor came walking in the room and literally jumped backwards with this shocked look on her face and said "WHOA! I didn't even recognize you!" My face was HUGE! I was puffy EVERYWHERE from all of the iv's that they had pumped me full of the day before. My legs and feet were the same width from my knees all the way down to my toes. I truly looked like Miss Piggy. My feet hurt so bad from my skin being pulled so tight! ha. It took a few weeks for my swelling to go down. I was worried it never would!



I called my friend Kristy from the hospital that day and I just cried on the phone with her, sharing the understanding of the intensity of motherhood. I was overwhelmed and it was such a special call to share that together with her that day. The crying was a common occurance those first few days (okay, it still is); I would cry at every little thing that had to do with my sons, or anything else for that matter!



I need to stop there for now. I will continue later with the day of my fever. A tough one.