Like Nothing Else

If I could pick a time in my life when I have been the most content, the most fulfilled, the most in awe, the most emotional, the most involved, the most proud, the most happy, the most assured that this is the place God has for me - it would be now. My entire world has been transformed by the entrance of these two small lives. It has been completely changed and will never be the same again. There are moments, so many moments, that I never want to forget.

When I walk into the room and their eyes go directly to me

When I blow on their tummies

When they smile at the sound of my voice

When I kiss their chubby thighs

When I play pat-a-cake

When I sing them songs while I change their diapers and they smile back at me

When I nuzzle my face in their necks and kiss them until they try to squirm away

When they make their satisfied little sighs when they are eating their bottle

When they smile so big and scrunch up their shoulders

When I pat their bottoms to calm them down

When their mouth gets wiped off and they let out a whiny cry

When they stick out their bottom lip and pout

When they talk to me

When their entire body gets excited and they kick their little legs

When they are on their tummies and lift their head up and look around

When they laugh when I touch their nose, even after 20 times

When I feel their breath against my skin

When I smell them and feel completely intoxicated

When they leave wet spots on my shoulders

When they lay their head against my chest when they're tired

When they try to eat their hands

When I feel their heartbeat against my chest

When they are just completely still and content in my arms

There are no words.

There is no way to explain it.

There is no way that I could have imagined it would feel like this.

There is such a love that I have never known could ever have existed.

I would do anything, give anything, be anything...

On this Easter I feel completely in awe. I look at my life - at the past. I look at my weaknesses, my flaws, my insecurities, my stains, my baggage, my tears, my hurts, my fears, my mistakes. I look at every circumstance, every situation over the past 29 years....and then I look at the bundles in my arms...and I think about the cross, the grave, and the resurrection. I think about a God that loves me so much, that in spite of the person I was, all that I've done, I have been so blessed. He has given such freedom, such love, such a family.

I am truly thankful for each person that reads this blog. You are all a special part of my life and part of the reason that I am so completely humbled tonight at my life. I am not always the greatest wife, greatest friend, greatest sister, greatest daughter, greatest mother...but I thank you all for loving me.

I thank God for second chances. For new beginnings. For fresh life.

He is risen.

Ethan and Grayson. Easter 2009