If Mama Ain't Happy

My blog posts are usually created when I am feeling particularly witty (or at least think I am - haha), when my spirits are high and I am in the depths of motherly bliss. I don't often share when I am feeling like this:

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There are many times where this is exactly the way I feel. The other day I was talking to a dear friend of mine and she was commenting on how amazed she was with me and the way I am handling raising twins. She said that I have it so together and wanted to know my tricks. I told her that she was completely deceived and delusional - because in reality that is far from the truth!
I can easily paint a picture of complete control, of total mother/babies harmony...but that's not the way it always is!
Now don't get me wrong. There are moments where I think to myself "Huh, this ain't so bad! I have this twin thing completely under control!" But then there are those moments...quite often...
when they both need me
when they both want to be held and not put down
when they both wanted to eat five minutes ago
when they both need their diaper changed in a really bad way
when they both spit up and drop their face right in to it
when they both are screaming and I'm not sure which one to grab first - worried that I will scar the other one for life if he is always chosen last
when I realize that I should shower at least once in the week
when I've drank one glass of water the entire day
when, at 4 in the afternoon I realize it's too late to even worry about changing out of my pj's.
There are moments where I want to become a thumb sucker too. I want to lay on the floor and cry right along with them!

I just want to keep it real! I'm not a super Mom! Am I a mother who loves her children? Yes. Am I a mother who loves being home with my twins every second of every day? No. Are they moments where I think back to life before babies and think "ahhhh...." Yes. Are there moments where I look at these two little boys on the floor and think "For real? Mine?" Yep. Are there moments when I want to hop in the car, begin driving, and come back in a few days? Uh huh. Would I change any of what I have right now for anything different though? No.

It's tough.
It's not always easy.
It's not always perfect.
It's not neat.
Not always organized.
Not always happy.
Not always peaceful.
Not always amazing.

But it is
powerful
a blessing
my role
my responsibility
such deep love
incredible
a lot of work that's so worth every minute

There is nothing like being a mother. There is nothing that could have prepared me for it. Nothing that I could love more, but also nothing that could be more challenging. Nothing that could be so rewarding. Nothing that could make me feel more needed and loved. Each and every day I pray for wisdom. I pray for patience. I pray for good naps and lots of smiles (from me and them! :). I try to enjoy the moments I have. To get down on the floor with them. To smother them in kisses. To squeeze their little diapered butts. To sing songs and clap my hands. To rock them and cuddle them.

It will go all too fast.